THE RETURN

1-15-2013

MATT... WILL... RETURN.

I Cheated and Copied This From My Facebook

Although I'm thankful for several things every day and try to take the extra time to appreciate special people in my life I'd like to give a shout out to people who have played an important role in my life: Jeremy Starr Williams, you've always been there for me when I was down and also when I wasn't, although you moved far away I feel our relationship has stayed the same and when I visited I felt as if you had never even left. I can never tell you how much I appreciate you in words! Andrew Lobel: you are my little brother, but you are also my best friend, ride til we die bro. Alana Jewallace: Thank you for being a kind caring woman in myl ife, even when I feel like I'm surrounded by bitches, you will always have that special JBKF place in my heart. Alex Brock: We've been through a LOT of 

crazy times together, some good, some bad, but no matter what we always find a way to work through whatever life throws at us. Michael Lobel: Dad, so much negative shit has come between us over the years, but we always learn and grow from it. Im thankful for this apartment you helped put me in, and want you to know I am grateful that we are working on things. Lastly, my mom. She doesn't have a facebook so she won't see this but: You may not be the woman who birthed me, but no outsider would ever know the difference. You have fed me when I was starving, clothed me when I was naked, given me money when I was out, even if you knew I may spend it on something bad for my health. You have truly shown me nothing but unconditional love throughout my entire life, and in the past 5 years have lightened up so much and became a true pleasure to talk to and be around. 

Straight copied and pasted, cut me some slack, its thanksgiving. Peace Love and Turkey "y'all."

All moved in!

I typically don't post about my personal life but i like to kemy readers updated. Just moved into my new apartment. Ive been spending a lot of time focusing on my music. I play guitar to keep focused and find it to be rather therapeutic. Have been learning Aerosmith's "Dream on" abd Zeppelin's "stairway to heaven." Perhaps soon I'll merge my writing with my other artistic endeavors. Seacrest out.

Renovations

I am relocating to a new apartment tomorrow so i may be without internet for a few weeks but i may write short posts from my phone such as this. Will be back to long reading as soon as I am able!

And an additional thanks to everyone that reads my blog. Im only past 200 pageviews but that is more than i imagined i would have. Hopefully all 200 of those people have taken something away from my humble musings.

Excerpt From a Conversation With A Friend

     PREFACE: Before you read this PARTICULAR post on my blog let me just restate that it is an excerpt from a Facebook conversation, and nothing specific caused this rant, I just happened to be feeling chatty and went off on a tangent. I took a few minutes to edit it down into a more standard format rather than having my friend's response, my curses, and "lols" throughout; however it may still come off as rambling and there seems to be a sudden topic change at the end that was brought about by one of my friend's responses. In all honesty, I have had this saved for a while in preparation for a day like today where I wanted to post but had not the energy to write a whole one out. All in all I feel it's a great read. Enjoy!

      It may may not seem like it in person, but im all eyes and ears. i pay attention to the world around me and therefore I am able to predict the outcome of situations with extreme accuracy. What sucks is that I will never be able to unbias myself and take a step back and tell myself what I am doing wrong. It is my firmly held belief that the human brain just is not meant for that kind of critical thinking. It is one thing to make a lifetime habit of noting peoples actions, behaviors, and the outcomes of those situations depending on the order of events involved. It is something completely different to shut down one's ego, remove all sentiments from the picture, and judge one's self as if judging a stranger at the mall. Because the fact still remains that you're YOU, you know every facet of your personality to a T and whether or not you like it, you have learned to live with it, so if you're alive you probably like yourself at least enough to not commit suicide.
Therefore you are emotionally attached to the person known as you, and no matter what the situation at hand is, you feel you deserve the best, and you can rationalize if you lose. You will say"Well, at least there's always tomorrow" or be negative and say, "I didnt want that whatever whatever anyways" or what have you.
No matter what, though, you're always a little upset with yourself.

     In essence, we just have a roadblock on the synapse that connects the thinking center in our brain to whatever part controls self reflection. Some believe the only point one CAN achieve such insights is on  psychedelic drugs, but at that point, who's to say how good your suggestions and advice for yourself would be anyways. Truth be told, its not a great idea to be taking heavy psychedelics with major issues anyways, because it can really awaken your demons especially in the mentally unsound (which most people are).
In compensation for our lack of that particular skill, we have insight, hindsight, and foreshadowing. Insight being taking note of the situation at hand, hindsight being analyzing those notes, recognizing your errors, and then using them to foreshadow how the event will play out next time you occur such a fiasco. Trial and error too, if your expectations dont meet the reality of the outcome at the end of the situation, revise, and then refer to your new found information when you encounter that situation yet another time, until what you assume is going to happen is more or less the reality of how it actually goes down. That's how people get psychic jobs, acute observational skills, and the ability to quickly size up a possible customer everyone jumps to conclusions about people before they actually have exchanged even their first word "hello" with them. By the time a person walks across a room and speaks to you, you have more than likely already guessed what kind of movies they like, what their voice may sound like, what slang they may use, what they like to do in their free time. All by a split second of seeing their clothing, distinguishing marks and characteristics, and of course posture and body language.

     Its also a firmly held belief of mine that rushing everything in life is one of the major causes of our loss of creativity and imagination when we reach adulthood. If people took the time to stop and try to see things as they did as a child, where the curb was actually a thin balance beam above a dangerous pit of lava, and if you fall its your fate. Or where you throw pillows on the floor so you dont touch the poisonous carpet. Or where you purposefully don't step on cracks. Or you do step on cracks if you're a jerk kid, to see if it breaks your mother's back.

     If you're able to emotionally mature without hindering your outlook on life and all the wonderful joys, smells, and colors it has to offer, that is perfection. Unfortunately such a thing does not exist. Because at some point in your life someone is going to take joy from spoiling some of your childhood innocence.






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In Memoriam of a Great Man

Hello followers. It's time to be honest, it's been a rough few months for me. Between getting in a serious car wreck, losing 3 people who I knew well, among other major shifts in my lifestyle, I've had a lot on my plate. 

First, however, I'd like to address that I really like the direction my blog is going in. I feel proud of every post and it is my firmly held personal belief that everyone can take something from all of them. In order to continue with such profundity in my posts, I will no longer be holding myself to posting once a week. I may post once a week still for a while, but if the inspiration is not there I'd rather wait for it than force a lame post. Thank you to everyone who continues to read, regardless if you do it because I badger you or not, it's nice just to see that I've already reached 131 views as of this post!

Moving onward, yesterday I went to a funeral. It wasn't my first funeral. It was, however, my first soldier's funeral. The whole service, disregarding subject matter, was beautiful. It really made me feel a lot closer to this country that I call home. The service was for a friend of mine named Jordan Riddle. As stated, he was a soldier and his feats were great. He was a combat medic and I can't even name how many medals were displayed next to his casket. Besides being a soldier, however, Jordan played a more important role in my life. He was who I looked up to in rehab. There were thirty men there at any given time, but he was one of only two other people who had a heroin addiction such as I. He was who guided me, and gave me the most useful information in my month stay there. Afterward, I still visited him for a while, hung out at his house once. One of the main reasons this particular death was so tragic to me was because not only did I live with the man for 30 days, but also he was one of the few people who truly deserved the large amount of praise he received upon passing. In person Jordan put up a hard defense, poking fun at you and appearing to have feeling made of titanium. While he was no doubt a tough individual, there was another side of him, the side that pushed him to be a medic that took care of people during firefights in a war zone. That was the best side of him, but it was that same side that allowed him to have the negative thoughts and feelings that ended up taking him over in the end. If you knew Jordan you could see in his eyes that how he was acting on the outside wasn't always how he felt. The way he stared off into the distance. The way he would be silent for several minutes on end sometimes. The way he felt alone even around company was almost tangible at times. What I'm getting at is, I've been to several funerals and sometimes I just realized sometimes people say "so and so was a great person and would always go the extra mile to help you and drop whatever he was doing" and most of the time its just a bunch of lies that people say so that their loved one can go out with dignity. Jordan was truly everything great you can have in a person, and had a great personality to go along with it.

That's all I have to say. Jordan, you will be missed.

Affirmative Actions

  

     Yes. It's one of the most powerful, life-opening words the English language has to offer. "Yes" almost always brings good experiences if you use it correctly because of the positive energy surrounding the word. Yet, people seem to shy away from the power of the word that is yes. If you are one of those people, live no longer in fear of what Yes may bring, but instead embrace it! Allow me to help alleviate the fear and reservations you may have regarding Yes.

     First off, the most important thing to note when using Yes is that discretion and common sense must still be a part of the equation. If a stranger walks up to you at a party and asks you to try crystal meth the obvious answer here is to modestly deny their offer. Other situations may be an impromptu marriage proposal from someone you barely know or something that implies criminal involvement. Without these basic building blocks of decision making any good that Yes may have to offer could just become an excuse for a low-life to indulge in self deprecating behavior.
     The next step is to not just jet from living a hermit life away from others turning down every opportunity, to standing on top of a mountain the following week, missing work and not notifying your family, because you started using Yes in every available situation. Instead it is crucial that you slowly push yourself to indulge in Yes in small social situations you may not have participated in prior, such as just going to a bar with your friends instead of staying in and playing minecraft. This particular tactic takes that you know what you are comfortable with and push those boundaries a little bit, in time standing on Mt. Everest will be yours, if that's what you're into.
     Lastly, the most important thing to remember is that Yes is more about a general attitude and outlook on life rather than just a word. Yes is about removing limits from yourself and your day so when you turn in for the night you have a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment regarding your day rather than that droll "day-in, day-out" feeling that we all become complacent with after years of having it. Yes is about opening your eyes and seeing the world from a new perspective. The world becomes your playground, yes from 9 AM to 5 PM you are Mr. Schmo: Sales Associate at Staples, but after you become Joe Schmo: Adventurer Extraordinaire!
     Remember to have fun in all your endeavors and that life, in the grand view of things, is short. Enjoy it as much as possible!

This post is dedicated to Courtney Walsh, a dear friend of mine who passed away recently who embraced the Yes attitude and left an impression on everyone she encountered.