Lessons from the book of Lilo.

fam·i·ly

   [fam-uh-lee, fam-lee]  Show IPA noun,plural fam·i·lies, adjective

noun

1.

a.

a basic social unit consisting of parents and theirchildren, considered as a group, whether dwellingtogether or not: the traditional family.

b.

a social unit consisting of one or more adults togetherwith the children they care for: a single-parent family.

2.

the children of one person or one couple collectively: Wewant a large family.

3.

the spouse and children of one person: We're taking thefamily on vacation next week.

4.

any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents,children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a sociallyprominent family.

5.

all those persons considered as descendants of a commonprogenitor.

These are the five definitions dictionary.com gives for the word, but I want to talk about the family you CHOOSE. Friends who are so close you consider them family. As you're reading this I'm sure you can think of at least one person who you can say anything to, who knows you better than yourself sometimes, and who you know you can trust with your entire life. 

     For me that person is an actual part of my family, my brother. When we were younger we got along about as well as any other pair of siblings got along: teasing, fighting, name-calling and of course tattletales. As we got older, into our mid-teens, we both experienced some very sobering life changing events: the suicide of my uncle and the divorce of my parents due to one of their infidelities (which I believe had something to do with the former). It was at this point me and my brother knew automatically that people can just drop out of your life at the blink of an eye. We had to take care of each other and our mom as if we were the only 3 people left in a zombie apocalypse. The end of my teenage years wasn't easy, I felt like I had to take on the responsibilities of the man in the house, all the while dealing with my stress negatively by having drug addictions. I tried to always hold a job just in case we needed it, because at that point we were living off my mother's settlement money and she hadn't had a job since before I was born. As hard as I was taking it, I knew it was twice as hard for my younger brother Andrew, who was just the tender age of 14 at the time. I had already started my partying phase and, in my mind, was already an adult. (I wasn't). 

     I had to try and be there for him emotionally and answer whatever tough questions he asked. One way we bonded was humor, today me and my brother are almost indistinguishable humor-wise. If I had to talk to him about sex or drugs or something, I would tell him what I felt important, but in a comedic way so it didn't become uncomfortable or weird. I've always been proud of not introducing him to any of the drugs I've ever done, cigarettes, or booze. When I was younger I figured everyone would do the same, now that I've gotten older there have been several sibling couples I have met that smoke pot, take ecstasy, drink, or what have you together. It's kind of sad, but variety is the spice of life i guess!

     Recently my brother has been talking about going into the military or moving up to Minnesota with his long time girlfriend Emily, in a few years. It came as a shock to me, of course I'd considered leaving several times in my life, and may have had brief periods of absence, but for the most part I stayed in or near Arlington to be with the ones I love. Of course I want him to do what makes him happy and hope him the best but it just got me to thinking about how quickly people can come and go. My best friend Jeremy just moved down to Austin a couple months ago. Around the same time one of my close friends from high school OD'd on drugs, not to mention the three or four other people who I've also hung out with who checked out the same way. On the same note, though, people are thrust into your life with just as much abruptness. Birth, meeting someone you love, people you work with. One day you don't know these people, then the next you see them every day at work,  home or school. 

     So when you meet someone new who you can tell is going to be part of your chosen family, tell them so. Don't try to be macho and cool about it. Tell them you love them. NA taught me that it's okay to tell anyone you love them if you do. Even complete strangers, sometimes they need it. Really though, go tell them. Right now, male or female, black, white, mexican, asian, Chuck Norris. Doesn't matter. Let them know, because tomorrow they could be hit by a car (knock on wood) and if that happens, you're gonna have a bad time. Don't leave anything unsaid. 

     I think you get the idea, so I leave you with this: