Insomnia/Paranoia Log

Insomnia is like when a normal person hits the wall while staying awake, that point where sleepiness is in full swing, you're watching TV, but nothing sinks in. Everything has this filmlike quality to it. There is almost a tangible filter between you and the rest of the world. Audially, Visibly, all your senses are muffled, or dulled down if you will. In addition to this, you get a feeling. A feeling sinking in: YOUR. TIME. HAS. COME. The people who are out to get you (and believe me, its not if they are, THEY ARE) have decided tonight is the night and will stop at nothing until your breathe your last breath. It could be through a window, a kickdoor, while you're in the shower or bathroom, while you're sleeping (but who are you kidding) or you may even be betrayed by somebody you thought you knew. How well do you know anyone really?

You plan your defense. Knives, blunt objects, environmental hazards? Anything goes. Although your senses have been dulled down you strain your eyes and ears, every little movement in your at this point undecipherable peripheral, seen. Every little noise, even if it wasn't made or would normally go unnoticed a hint to where your anonymous attacker may lie. These are the kinds of things they train SOLDIERS for, but nay! You are an average human, just on your A game. Always on your A game. If you ever brought anything less, you wouldn't be here right now, duh! It's your time to shine psycho warrior, post up, defend your fortress, show the shadow ninjas you will live to fight another day. After all... You have work to do. 

Chapter 2: The Opportunity

Dear readers,
     There comes an important time in everyone's life when a friend comes to you and is in dire need of your help. Considering they came to you to ask for your help, sometimes to go through a difficult and most often painful experience with them, who would you be to tell them no? This beast has peeked its head up at me yesterday, and therefore I will begin the "quitting dope" process I have become oh-so-familiar with once again. Expect a lot more short posts such as this one describing what everyone is going through.

Also, SHOUT OUT: Happy Birthday to Jamie Gillespie, who had a great birthday yesterday. I bid everyone good morrow, and may your thirst for knowledge be quenched while you drink from my chalice of egocentricity.

The Long Awaited Return of the Mattman/Chapter 1: Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen

I'm just going to jump right into it: I've been away, some of it was because I couldn't afford internet, and most of it was because I'm back on drugs. Specifically, injecting crystal meth. Kinda a big deal. Either way, I sat up last night and really thought about my blog and how I missed it. I have been working on other creative art related endeavors, but was trying to decide what my return post should be about. I was faced with a decision: lie and pretend I am fine, and have just been busy, or I could give you (the READER) a once in a lifetime opportunity to judge my mental state and see just how far the crazy-hole I can go.
     In the last few months I have been kicked out of my father's house, started intravenously abusing drugs again, quit my job, pissed off a few Aryan gang members, had a pistol stuck in my face, had a shotgun stuck in my face, lost my apartment, attempted suicide, and last but not least stolen a car. Needless to say it's been a little bit busier than usual. I am currently living with my friend, her mom, and one guy who was staying with me and has successfully quit meth. I have not much more to say here my friends, but let me say this: learn coping skills, work on yourself every day and try and take notice of some flaws you have that you would like to change. Learn to react better to situations, and don't take anything for granted. It is these things that have kept me alive so far!

THE RETURN

1-15-2013

MATT... WILL... RETURN.